Thank you for stopping by Supporting Godly Women. My name is Terri Porta, as the writer of most of the content here. I am a blessed wife, a mother, a business owner, Bible student, a budding writer, and an award winning public speaker. I have taught and been taught, the accuracy of God’s word for 15-years, and am a born-again Christian. Older posts have varied themes. You have your choice of dishes from the meaty to the sugar-coated fun. Catch up with the devotion of a verse a day, except Sundays, out of Ephesians. If you have any questions about what you read or see here contact me.
You are the reason for this blog!
Every human has stitched into their DNA a hunger to know the Truth. There is a hole in the heart that only God can fill with accurate, rightly-divided Word.
2 Timothy 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God a workman that needeth not to be ashamed rightly dividing the word of truth.
What happens when you study the word? Like anything else you learn, and the joy of that learning brings understanding. Understanding helps you fly free of the shackeled tyranny of doubt, worry and fear. You yearn to know what God thinks of you, how he operates, and if he really is there for you. How do we see him? How do we spot him working in our life?
There is a switch in the person who has faith. They trust what is unseen. 2 Corinthians 5:7; For we walk by faith not by sight.
His speech is designed to entice and flatter others into thinking well of him
The speech of the people pleaser betrays him. He may or may not do it consciouly, but his words are designed to cover his flaws and foibles and to cajole others into seeing him in the best possible light. He is motivated by fear rather than by love. The Bible makes very clear connection between flattering and people pleasing.
but after we had already suffered and been mistreated in Philippi, as you know, we had the boldness in our God to speak to you the gospel of God amid much opposition. For our exhortation does not come from error or impurity or by way of deceit ; but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts. For we never came with flattering speech, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed- God is witness, nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority. (I Thes. 2:2-5)
A person who knows he is faithful and has therefore been approved by God can speak freely and boldly to others. He does not use flattering speech because he really doesn’t care much about pleasing man. it is the person who seeks to please man who doesn’t care much about pleasing God and so resorts to flattery. The people pleaser is a hypocrite who, for fear of being found out or for the purpose of making others think better of him than he really is, disguise himself.
The makeup he uses to camouflage his true appearance consist largely of communication. Here are some characteristics of the communication style of an approval addict.
The people pleaser….
Rarely confronts sin the life of another believer.
Rarely challenges or even questions the opinions of others.
Prematurely terminates conflicts (usually by yielding, withdrawing, or changing the subject).
Rarely reveals to others the truth about who he really is inside ( specially his struggles with sin).
Steers conversation away from those topics that might cause others to realize what he is really like inside.
Shades the truth (lies) in order, “not to offend others”
Frequently put himself down in the hope that others will disagree with his purposely exaggerated negative self assessment.
Finds in it difficult to say “No” to those who make requests of him, even when he knows that saying “Yes” will not be the best choice.
Follow me next week when I will address how the people pleaser is a “respecter of person”. I know you are saying : “When will this ever end” , I promise you this will really bless your life to know where this sin is in your life. We as Christian women/men need to take deeper looks at ourselves and stop dealing with surface of our lives, so that we can get a Godly perspective of the problems that weigh us down. It is my prayer that each blog will leave you with some truth that will help in your walk with the Lord.
Diagnosing the spiritual disorder of People Pleasers
I would like to talk about what an approval addictions looks like. This spiritual malady can manifest itself in many symptoms. This list is nowhere near exhaustive, I will attempt to give you just a few characteristics of the presence of a toxic level of pride in the heart.
He fears the displeasure of man more than the displeasure of God.
Fear is a powerful emotion. It has power for good as well as for evil. The right kind of fear (the fear of God, such as, or the fear of sin and its consequences) keeps us from danger. The wrong kind of fear leads us into danger. “The fear of man brings a snare” (Proverbs 29:25). As you read (John 12:42-43) you find that the rulers did not sin because wanted to enjoy a bit of recognition. Rather, it was their loving man’s approval and not (or perhaps “more than,” God’s approval. These rulers feared the wrong things. They were afraid of being excommunicated from the synagogue, which meant that they stood to lose quite a bit more than a good seat in church. The love a person’s approval is bound to the fear of man’s disapproval. When a people pleaser interact with others, their thoughts immediately and instinctively run in the direction of selfishness, anxiety, and fear.
“I’m not prepared to meet this person”.
“What does he think of me”.
“ I’ll probably make a fool of myself”.
“I can’t reveal too much of myself or he will know what I’m really like and reject me”.
“I can bear the thought of being hurt again”.
A people pleaser is not a peacemaker, but a peace-lover. A peacemaker is willing to endure the discomfort of a conflict in the hope of bringing about a peaceful resolution. (Peace is not only the absence of conflict, but is often the result of it). A peace lover is so afraid of conflict that he will avoid it at almost all costs. He is so concerned about “keeping the peace” with his fellow-man that he is often willing to give up the peace of God that comes from standing up and suffering for the truth. He is essentially a coward at heart.
He desires the praise of man above the praise of God.
Unless he is backed into a corner with the evidence, the approval junkie might never admit that he loves anything more than the Lord. “Of course I love God more than anything else”! Look at all the good things I do for Him! Look at all the time I’ve invested in serving him. My whole life is built around faith. Surely I don’t love the approval of man above the approval of God!” The scribes and Pharisees were clearly people pleasers. Although they were outwardly religious, they were among the clearest examples of people pleasers in the Bible. They wanted the approval so much that they spent a great deal of their time and effort doing those things that would bring them glory from men. (Matt. 23:5-7) Even though those things were religious in nature (such as prayer, fasting, and giving) they can be done with an hypocritical motive to gain man’s approval. (Matt. 6:1-5). The people pleaser is a hypocrite. His service to man and to God is contaminated by impure desires. His religion is more external than internal. His first thought is not “How will God be glorified by what I am doing” but rather “How will people perceive me”. He is not accustom to thinking this way, but exclusively of himself. He is concerned about his reputation. His heart craves being held in high esteem by others ( and to hear their praises). He values the approval of man rather than the approval of God. (John 12:43)
Next time I will continue to give you some more Characteristics of people pleasers. Please continue with me as we look at how to diagnose the spiritual disorder of “People Pleasers”.
May God place a conviction on the hearts of sincere Christians who suffer from this sin.
I have counseled many women with this issue and wanted to share some thoughts with you. Do you aim to please people or God? I think as women we often are people pleasers, we try to keep everyone happy. Often we keep everyone happy at the expense of ourselves. We often find ourselves worn out, frustrated and even feeling “used by people”. What does the Bible say about whom we are to please? In 2 Corinthians 5:9 it says, “So we make it our goal to please Him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.” Colossians 1:10 says, “And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.”
So, I would like you to ask yourself some questions and I hope they change your perspective like they did mine:
1. Do I seek the praise of others more than God?
2. Do I want praise of man above the praise of God?
3. Do I study what it takes to please man as much as (if not more than) what it takes to please God?
4. Am I a respecter of persons?
5. Am I over sensitive to correction, reproof, and other illusions of dissatisfaction or disapproval among others?
6. Am I outwardly rendering eye service to man and not inwardly rending sincere (from the heart) ministry to the Lord?
7. Am I selfishly using the wisdom, abilities, and gifts that have been given to me for God’s glory and the benefit of others for my glory and personal benefit?
8. Am I discontent with the condition and proportion that God has appointed for me?
Please be honest as you ask yourself these questions. I have counseled many women where I have had to confront this sin in their lives. many of them never thought of themselves as “Approval Junkies”. As I have researched this issue in the Bible it is my realization that there is the sin of pride and the idol of a man’s approval that has taken root in their heart. No passion of the human mind is stronger than this. After it has been sufficiently indulged, it becomes so habitual that it occupies all the energy of the soul, or perhaps more accurately, it becomes all the energy of the soul, transforming all the soul’s faculties and all its efforts into servants of its own selfish purposes. ( Timothy Dwight, President of Yale College, from his sermon ” On the Love of Distinction”)
The notion of ”codependency” has been given lots of attention in recent years. There has been countless books, articles, workshops, etc. done to help people get a handle on this pop-psychology buzzword. As Christians we must take care to define and diagnose man’s problem not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught us by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words ( I Cor. 2:13). The Bible is clear in what this called. The Bible calls this concept of codependency ” Idolatry”- looking to someone (or something) else to do for me those things that only God can do. The type of person characterized by this type of behavior is a “people pleaser”. The motive of such an individual is identified in John 12:43: he ” loved the approval of men rather than [or at least more than] the approval of God.
All of this will be developed in my series “People Pleasers”, please follow me as I show you Characteristics of this sin and give you the biblical remedies of this problem.
It is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will use the truths contained in this information to remove any spiritual blindness from you and enable you to love the approval of God and not the approval of man.
I am back to talk about Idolatry, as it relates to pride, which is at the heart of being a people pleaser and is an insidious thing. Like a cataract that slowly covers the eye of its victims, pride keeps us from seeing our sins, thus preventing us from properly dealing with them. I want to make it clear that I am focusing on women in this article, but men suffer from this as well. So before I go on, I must tell you that as a counselor I have struggled to accommodate my counselees, rather than confront (Albeit gently) them. I have been careful to understand why I have done that from time to time so that I can truthfully address my problem. In my search for the truth as it concerns my inner struggles, I have been able to identify where I have personally struggled with idolatry.
So today I come not just as a counselor professionally helping you to find your struggles with it, but I can passionately talk about it, as it has been a place I have been. As you looked at the article last week, how did you answer the questions I gave you? Be honest! Maybe some of you didn’t fair so well and maybe some of you did better than you thought you would. Because the problem is rooted in pride, and pride is endemic to every human heart, each of us will, in varying degrees, struggle with the temptation to be a people –pleasers. So don’t be discouraged with how you came out of the questions, and don’t be proud of yourself if you answered the questions well. The real test of your answers will come as we take a closer look at characteristics of a people-pleaser.
I would like to make an important point about idolatry before we go further in this discussion. There are always two sides to a coin, so there are usually two sides to idolatry. The first side involves neglecting God. The other side involves replacing Him with a cheap substitute. The “tails” side says, “Inordinate Fear of Losing Something” People who love money fear losing their wealth. Those who love to be in control fear being unable to control the circumstances and people that surround them. The person who loves pleasure is often afraid of missing out on opportunities to gratify his fleshly desires. As with any other form of idolatry, the sin of people –pleasing also has two sides. For the people-pleaser, love of man’s approval are accompanied by the flip side of the coin: fear of losing someone’s approval (or respect, or favorable opinion), or fear of being rejected, or sometimes even fear of conflict. Keep this in mind as you evaluate your own struggle with people-pleasing.
Desire for Approval
Fear of Rejection
Take some time to meditate on the two sides of Idolatry. I want to take you slowly through this so that you can understand the extent of sin in your life, that these truths will be convicting to you. You see most of us would never change the things in our lives that are out of sync with God’s Word apart from being convicted of our sin. Of course conviction is a small part of change. Indeed all Scripture is useful for doctrine, for conviction, for correction, and for discipline training in righteousness ( 2 Timothy 3:16).
It may seem like I am not being sympathetic to you, by using such a rather severe approach to urge you to change, but it is actually a very loving approach. The truth is what we will be discussing in this series is not a sickness (or a psychological disorder) for which there is no cure; it is not a genetic predisposition that you as a Christian will be forced to live with for the rest of your life. It is simply a sin! And Jesus Christ came to do away with our sin. That is where the gospel comes in. To help you see your problem as a sin is one of the most hopeful things I can do for you because there is a powerful cure for this type of problem – the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We will discuss next time how to diagnose the spiritual disorder of people-pleasing.
Remember: For Christ died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit…..(I Peter 3:18)
Have you ever had those times that you are feeling the your worst, emotionally and sometimes physically, and when asked by someone “How are You”, you answer ” I am fine”, knowing all the time you are hurting and need to talk to someone about it. I sure have, more than I care to count. And, at that time you feel you are the only one feeling this way, so you“fake it to make”, you put on your best smile, and think after all, no one wants to hear about your problems, right? And so, the cycle begins… Here’s something I want you to remember the next time this happens to you. A counselor once told me that “I’m F.I.N.E.” really means “I’m Feeling Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotionally unstable.” Now – how are you, really? We are doing ourselves and each other a great disservice when we only look at the surface. In today’s hustle and bustle, no one seems to have time (or wants to take the time) to look past this facade. Instead, we accept each other’s “I’m fine” at face value, when really there are hundreds and thousands of “walking wounded” among us – women (and men) who are struggling in our midst, but too afraid to say anything or ask for help, most are too afraid of being judged. Consequently, we talk about things like where did you get that purse, where do you work, a new haircut, our kids whatever the case may be – but it rarely goes deeper to the relationship-building, soul-searching, or God-pleasing issues that our lives are really made of. Perhaps we don’t want to ask, because we’re afraid that someone might ask us. We don’t want to face our “junk” either, unless we can hide it in the privacy of our own homes with the door locked and the curtains drawn. We don’t want people to see our imperfections, our sins, our struggles, and our pain.
Why is that? Simple. It’s our PRIDE. I have times when I am the worst when it comes to letting pride get in the way – God’s way! Does this sound familiar? “I don’t want to let people get too close because I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want people to see my pain. I don’t want to ask, because… I’M FINE!” Today I ask for God’s forgiveness and your forgiveness, for not letting people see beyond the surface where the real me resides, for not letting anyone see the dark places I’ve been so they’ll see how far God has brought me, for not letting people see my brokenness so they can see the power of God’s healing. It is truly a blessing when someone shares an intimate story about herself in such an open and honest way, making herself vulnerable to others simply for the sake of sharing so that others might see the glory of God and His gift of grace. We don’t share that gift with people often enough. Even though we know Jesus died for our sins and we have been forgiven, we are unable to realize the fullness of His forgiveness.
As a result, We become one of the “walking wounded” that everyone thought was “fine.” Oh, what masks we wear and how well we wear them! God wants us to ask. This is such a humbling experience for us – asking others for help. God is waiting to bless us as he provides an outlet as well as healing, a place to share with “like-minded” women who have shared a similar experience. While our backgrounds and situations are varied, we have a bond that has not been tapped into. We are able to laughed together and cry together and, more importantly, we can share our lives together. You and I are leaders, mothers, daughters, sisters, or friends in the Body of Christ, and among us every day are the “walking wounded.” Perhaps you’re even one of them, possibly by no fault of your own. If you’re not, you likely know someone who is. If one out of three women who have personally experienced/struggling with issues like death, divorce, addictions, or abuse…just to name a few! We all need to break the vicious cycle, to never say “I’m fine” again, and to never accept someone else’s “I’m fine.” Together, let’s vow to look deeper and truly see the person we’re talking to, the real person, the one who might be struggling – whatever that struggle may be – and let us minister to each other as God has called us to do. Sometimes we need a reminder that we are so much more than our handbags, our jobs, or even our kids. We are created in the image of Christ and He wants to use us for His glory. The Lord wants us to share our lives and our testimonies so others can see His glory.
What is your story? Have you surrendered everything to Him to use or are you still holding out saying, “You can use everything else, but not this”, Our gracious God never ceases to amaze me with what He can do and I am humbled that He wants to use me at all. Be a vessel. Be one that God can use – to help someone who may feel surrounded by darkness, to show compassion and not condemnation, to comfort and to show the love and mercy of Jesus Christ. It was no accident that God made women to be compassionate and nurturing creatures. He knew all along how He would use us – as vessels for His work. Arise and go! Shine His light in the darkness so the “walking wounded” can see. You won’t regret it! You really will not believe how God will bless you through your issues as well. It has never failed that every time I decide to minister despite what I am going through and when I decide to tell my story, God blesses me in such a way that I no longer feel depressed and alone, and through me sharing my story, he allows it to bless the hearers and in turn we all walk away better. It is my prayer that we as women stop “faking it to make it” and trust God and obey his call for our lives so that we can bless others as he instructs.(Matthew 5:16)
Marriage is a joyous and sacred union in the Christian life. It can also be a complex and challenging venture.
If you’re seeking Christian marriage advice, perhaps you’re not enjoying the blessings of a happy marriage, but instead, merely enduring a painful and difficult relationship. The truth is, building a Christian marriage and keeping it strong requires work. Yet, the rewards of that effort are priceless and immeasurable. So before you give up, consider some godly Christian marriage advice that may bring hope and faith into your seemingly impossible situation.
While loving and lasting in marriage does take deliberate effort, it’s not all that complicated or difficult if you start with a few basic principles.Learn how to keep your Christian marriage strong and healthy by practicing these simple steps:
5 steps to building your Christian Marriage
Step 1 – Pray Together:
Set aside time each day to pray with your spouse.
Step 2 – Read Together:
Set aside time each day, or at least once a week, to read the Bible together.
Step 3 – Make Decisions Together:
Commit to making important decision together.
Step 4 – Attend Church Together:
Get involved in a church together.
Step 5 – Continue Dating:
Set aside special, regular times to continue developing your romance.
What Does the Bible Say About Christian Marriage?:
No doubt, marriage is an extremely important issue in the Christian life. Vast numbers of books, magazines and marriage counseling resources are dedicated to the subject of overcoming marital problems and improving communication in marriage. However, the ultimate source for building a strong Christian marriage is the Bible. Add to the basics by gaining a deeper understanding of what Scripture says about Christian marriage.
God Didn’t Design Marriage to Make You Happy:
Does that statement shock you? I’ve taken the idea right from the pages of one of my favorite books on Christian marriage. Gary Thomas asks the question in Sacred Marriage, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” When I first considered this nugget of a question, it began to completely reposition my perspective, not just on marriage, but on life.Dig deeper to discover the divine purpose of your Christian marriage.
As I was sitting and thinking about how good God has been to me. My mind reflected on the many christian women who I talk to daily that do not have a clue what God has called them to do. God has charged to us with ministry and expects us to get right to it. It burdens my heart to see women of God sitting around and making excuses for not doing ministry. As a counselor I am always trying to understand why people do what they do. As I pondered that thought, I was reminded of the story of Mary and Martha. In general I believe that as women we lose sight of what’s important in this life and thus our priorities get out of order. We have to put “First things First”. It happened to Martha the same way. If ever there was a woman who lost control of her priorities, it was Martha, whose story is recorded in Luke 10. Poor Martha. Too bad she will forever be remembered as the one who was more concerned about making dinner than making Jesus feel welcome in her home!
What separates Martha from her sister Mary is that Martha did not order her time by her priorities. She may have sincerely thought that welcoming Jesus was most important, but her behavior did not reflect that. It’s as if she had a choice of visiting with Jesus or vacuuming, and she chose the vacuum. It’s not that Mary didn’t help out with the chores. I believe she did—perhaps she did the dishes before Jesus arrived. But once Jesus set foot in their home, Mary dropped the busy work in favor of what really mattered—spending quality time with her Lord.
Jesus’ response to Martha is just as applicable to us as it was to her: “Martha, Martha! you are worried and bothered about so many things, but only a few thing is necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her”.” (Luke 10:41, 42).
Let’s be honest. Don’t we all make Martha’s mistake? We mean well. We want to help out in our children’s school and be active in our communities and do our part at church. As with Martha’s cooking and cleaning, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these activities. The problem is when they become a hindrance and keep us from doing what really matters—spending quality time with our Lord and the people He puts in our path.
Learning to live our priorities actually encompasses all three parts of the Clarity Principle found in Hebrews 12:1-2. Getting rid of extraneous obligations and expectations is one of the ways we “throw off everything that hinders.” Not letting the trivial supersede the vital is an example of how we “run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” And ordering our lives around what God wants is part of how we “fix our eyes on Jesus.”
When you truly put first things first, all other things fall in line. Confusion dissipates. Decisions are much less difficult. If an activity or commitment fits with what you value most and what you believe God is calling you to do, the answer is yes. If an activity or commitment doesn’t fit with your priorities, the answer is an unapologetic no. Instead of feeling torn, you can rest in the knowledge that you are right on target—putting your energy where it needs to be.
Life is much simpler when your values and decisions are clear and your decisions clearly support your values.
It is my prayer that you will take a closer look at what is important for your life and began to put FIRST things FIRST!
The truth about marriage is rather clear. However, man has often blurred the truth by his doctrines.
God is the author of marriage (a couple joined for life in a special spiritual and physical relationship). God said, “it is not good that the man should be alone…” (Gen. 2: 18). It is a common fact that man is a social being. His life is enhanced and increased by having a proper companion. God then said, “…I will make an help meet for him.” The Hebrew word translated “help meet” suggests a counter-part. Some versions have the footnote, “helper comparable to him.”
God made woman for man. It has been remarked that God made Eve, not Steve for Adam. The woman was created for man! (Gen. 2: 18-22, 23). The apostle Paul later wrote, “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (I Cor. 11: 9). “…Man is not of the woman,” he further argues to illustrate man’s headship, “but the woman of the man” (vs. 8). Man is in “the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man” (vs. 7). Since God made woman for man, she is ideally suited both emotionally, anatomically, and psychologically to meet the needs of man.
When my friend suggested that I write a blog aboutchildrenwho do not have mothers, I agreed that it made sense that I would write it. I mean, I do write about overcoming emotional and childsexual abuse. However, mymotherwas physically present. She was there to make me the besthome cookedmeals that I can still taste inside of my mouth from my childhood.
My mother was physically present but emotionally absent. She never told me she loved me, and in my book Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: AJourney to Love, I talk a lot about our relationship because it was relevant. I needed love, and for her to show her love toward me. I was an angry child because of the child molestation I had suffered at for years old by my sisters ex-boyfriend.
My mother did the best she could and I do not take it lightly that she raised me, with little money or help, I was not easy to raise- but she could have changed that if she had just been there. She watched movies and never displayed affection. She did not take me to church to be involved in activities when I begged her to, and she did not take the time to do things with me that she now does with my daughter.
She did not come to my basketball games, and the one time that I invited her to the court and practically made her come out of the house to watch me play, I was the star, which kind of frustrated the men on the court at the time- but I could hang. I hit ten three pointers in a row and drew a close to their mouth and a spot on the court. She still sat in the car while I played.
Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to write in depth about my mother. I have forgiven her, and I love her with all of my heart. I wrote a letter to my mother, and that really sums up how I personally feel about my mother, at this point in my life. My mother has had her own share of abuse, and that may be why she was not emotionally available for me.
What I’d like for someone reading this to take with them is the necessity of a mother’s relationship. Mothers nurture their girls, and boys in different ways. I believe that God knew what he was doing by creating a man and a woman to raise a child and therefore it creates a certain level of balance.
Many people write about absent fathers, but for me, I knew my father was crazy and I always wanted a father, not necessarily mine. My mother however, is a different story. We need the tenderness of a mother’s care. She took care of me when I was sick, and she made me breakfast, lunch and dinner.
My mother was not there for me, and may never understand the impact of that statement. I never grew up with knowing resentment for absence besides anger. In my book, I talk about what changed my heart toward her.
To any mother who has abandoned her child, whether you are in the home and do so because of a job or a man, or if you have walked out leaving your husband for another woman, or a “better life”, we as women have the same responsibility to love our children as we behead men for not.
Men teach their girls what to attract in a man, and women do the same for their boys. For their girls, they teach them how to be a woman. In my situation, I have always been a strong person who Is not easily influenced. The decisions that I have made, whether poor or powerful, I stand by them and learn from them.
I have dated some of the men that have come from broken relationships with their mothers, and let me tell you, I cannot run fast enough. The emptiness that can come from a broken relationship with your mother, is just as significant, just as potent, just as life determining as a broken relationship with your father.
I encourage all women to please stand up, take your place, value your relationships. For in time we all, women and men regardless of financial status or race will return to our youth, and our children will switch roles. Do you want them to remember you for your absence or your unwillingness to be moved by circumstances?
As some of my other blogs have revealed, I was homeless three years, and I refused to give my daughter to anyone else to raise. I talked to her in depth, we grew closer in relationship and love, she has had to walk through some hard times with me, but if I had left her, she would not be the young woman that she is now.
Mothers, and fathers, we need you- not just on weekends but every day. Even if you are not with the child’s mother or father, you can be a full time parent always.
As a victor of emotional and child sexual abuse, I find myself in each post, and share information that will challenge you to heal within so that you can become more of yourself than you’ve ever known. We are what the world has been waiting for, aren’t we? Join my blog if you enjoy living a life at liberty to be unapologetic about your divinely beautiful self.
How many more religious cases of abuse will happen before we start including sexual abuse and molestation conversation in the church? As a victor of child sexual abuse, and a Christian I just wanted to know if there was any mention at all of sexual abuse as a sin in the bible. We hear so much from the Catholic Church, and from situations in the Baptist, and Non-Denominational Churches. Regardless of sect, we are self identified Christians. Did you know that 93% of predators are religious? I will talk about this a little more below.
My mission is to go into churches and speak to the ministry leaders, and the congregation about sexual abuse because it is so widely spread within the church. I grew up with people who were molested by a man who I knew, in church. He never did it to me but he also thought I was angry, bad and defiant, which I was. He, I’m sure was afraid that I would fight and then snitch, which I would have. Although I have had encounters with sexual abuse outside of church, when I was made aware of this in the church, in my early twenties it left a heavy hurt within me for the women that I knew who carry this memory.
This man is the reason that the Sexual Offender List called A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house and
there was something in my spirit that lead me to ask her about her children, whether they had experienced sexual abuse. The answer was a resounding yes. Without giving detail of the situation, I will say that we had a talk about it. She loves me deeply, and I love her the same so we can talk without anyone stomping out of the room or hanging up on each other, even when it would seem that offense would surface. She knows I would never want to hurt or condemn her.
I took some liberties with her that have separated my sister and I for years. I told her that I supported her but I challenged her choice to not tell anyone about the predator. It was a family member and she used a scripture from the bible that says that you shouldn’t take anyone to court. Well, I’m prepared to show you that God sees Sexual Perversion as grounds for death, so in that sense, maybe she’s right!
Her situation angered me so much that I prayed that night and came up with Ten Ways to Safeguard you Child from Sexual Abuse. I prayed on it and got revelation and confirmation the following morning. It was all of my passions, the messages on the inside of me that I am supposed to share with others in a basket. I started writing about the list that was created. I realized that this is such an epidemic that I could not keep quiet. I don’t think I’m operating in me right now. This is not something you wake up in the morning and want to do to be honest, at least not me. I wrote Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love as a memoir that I believe would bless others out of my obedience to my higher power, not realizing that it would indeed create a platform or that it would open doors the way that my prophetess friend shared.
As I do more research and learn how I can be of service, I realize that 80% of people who suffer from drug and alcohol addiction have been sexually abused. The Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study was conducted with 4,000 admitted child molesters. They found that 77% of child molesters are married. You are probably wondering why I have random pictures in this post. These pictures are of men who are convicted child molesters.
Famous Hollywood director who plead guilty to 5 counts of child sex
The “Clownhouse” and “Jeepers Creepers” movie star, was protested against by angry victims of sexual abuse regarding the film Powder (1995) which was a movie controlled by Buena Vista Films who is solely owned by Disney.
Here are some additional statistics that will blow your mind, and then I will share a few scriptures that do support that Child Abuse is a Sin.
Sexual Abusers fight for the right to attend Church
In an article that I found in the Washington Post addressing sexual abuse and the church, it seems that this is a really important topic nowadays.And with all of the negative press against church parishioners in the varying sects of Christianity, and religion as a whole, I completely understand why they are trying to figure out what to do. After all the bible does say that all should be forgiven. Who are we to judge?
Robbie Potter is a registered Sex Offender
93% of child molesters are religious.Of course, I am not surprised. I believe that everything happens from the head down so when priests, Eddie Long, and others are caught for their actions, and then their actions are ignored, the sexual abuse continues. It may not continue outwardly now, but please understand that the bible is very clear about the fact that we sin in our thoughts FIRST.
77% of Sexual Predators are MARRIED!!!!!!
49% of Sexual Predators are College EDUCATED!!!!!!
64% of Sexual Predators are WORKING!!!!!!
So ladies, one and twenty men are sexual predators. We know that there are women predators as well, although the number of women and men are vastly different. Neither should be tolerated at any point in time regardless of any gender, race, etc….
In the study, it says that there is no link between the Social Class or a Predator. Only one study linked sexual abuse to a social class and that class was one the highest social class determined by both money and education. There are links with physical abuse to lower-income and education however not sexual abuse.
Scriptural Support
Child molesters maintain that they target 30% of their victims who are stepchild, foster or adopted child, and 19% biological children; 18% are nieces and nephews. 90% of abusers target family members and those they know well. Did you read this? Read it again. And, there is an alarming 40% of child molesters targeting a friend, or neighbor.
In Leviticus 18 it speaks specifically about Grandparents (v.10), and in the verses of chapter 18 it covers a lot about aunts, in-laws, neighbors, homosexuality, and bestiality. Child Molesters are using the fact that God did not name Child Molestation by their review of the word, that it is okay or natural. I read a website last night of a Child Molester who wrote a book, saying that it should be and will begin to be accepted much like the acknowledgement and progression of homosexuality. His book is about us understanding the relationship between a man and young boys. In verse 29 of chapter 18 in Leviticus, it does say that any abominations committed regarding sexual perversion will result in the person being cut off.
Do you remember earlier I mentioned my friend who has children who has been sexually abused? She said that she did not want her family to get into trouble. She like many, are afraid of the impact that it will have on the family, not thinking of what it will psychologically do to their own children. In Leviticus 19: 17 it says that you can’t hate your neighbor but you can rebuke him. To rebuke in short means to reprimand. I’m sure I could go deeper but I’ll leave it here and say that when you reprimand, you must first yourself acknowledge that something was done wrong so that it can be dealt with. As for my friend, I’ll have her to consider Proverbs 27:5 which says that open rebuke is better than secret love. In many families, keep the secret is better than confronting the issue.
James Edward Green Repeat Sexual Offender who raped two fifteen year old boys recently and is charged with ten felonies including kidnapping.
Sarah Tofte of the Human Rights Watch says 25% of all sex offenders re-offend within 15 years. In Proverbs 27:5, there are a lot of commentary on this. I do not by any means profess to be a theologian however I will give my two cents as follows:
It is better to bring the issue to the surface and rebuke the person than to hide it in secret hate. See, love is no secret, that is the irony of the passage. Remember this is my interpretation, and comments are welcome. GOD is LOVE and he is not a secret; neither is love for us. Love is pure and when you really pay attention to how love operates, it is the exact opposite of fear as scripture supports. If there is a presence of fear, you are not operating in love.
What should be done?
STOP HIDING!!! Stop protecting the predators and protect your child(ren), and your neighbors children, nieces and nephews etc… Unfortunately, I have never ever heard of someone who is a child molester being totally delivered from being one. My point is that this seems to be an issue that the person chooses as a sinful lifestyle, why support it?
This week we are introducing a young lady that has a testimony and ministry. Ms. Graves touch our hearts when we found her blog. She is gifted in the “Spoken Word” and allows God to use her life experiences to help other women become free from some of the things that hold them in bondage. She is very transparent and allows herself to connect with her audience. We are so excited about what God is doing in her ministry and we know you will too.
Resurrection at the Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault. She began this video with an explanation of her other poem entitled “RAPE”. Feel free to check out her blog at http://ressurrection.wordpress.com.
Welcome to our video broadcast of The Intentional Marriage. We are looking at how to sift our marriage conflicts, failures and questions through a small but powerful passage in the Bible.
I find myself in the most difficult position of my life. It’s not one I ever imagined being in, yet God has deemed it wise and necessary to put me here. And my family. I don’t want to go into details because that’s not what I want this post to be about.
Some of you out there are going through some of the most difficult times in your lives, too. Many with your marriages and family situations. I am too. I’m not a tough person, nor am I confrontational. In fact, I’m quite the opposite, almost to a fault.
Yet I am forced to exhibit tough love to someone I love more than myself. It hurts. It’s exhausting. But I know if I don’t, she will never move from this place of great pain and depression to live her life completely.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I found myself this morning in my prayer time with such a weight in my heart for my own situation and some others that have contacted us for prayers. The words to the song “I Surrender All” flowed from my heart and lips. I could think of nothing else to do than just hand it all over to God and truly trust He has it all in control even when it seems completely out of control. Not an easy thing to do.
My heart is breaking for my daughter, and for those of you out there struggling, feeling like you are in a hopeless situation. But I refuse to believe any situation is hopeless. Nothing we are facing right now is bigger than our God. And though it may seem He’s not working, we can trust that He is.
Maybe God wants us in that position to surrender all so that He can move in full swing and accomplish much more than we can even imagine. We see only the issue on the surface, yet God sees the roots growing much deeper into our lives and into our futures. He’s not satisfied with a temporary band aide when He holds life to the fullest out to us in his scarred hand. A future full of promise and hope.
Unfortunately, it sometimes means we have to get our hands dirty and give that tough love to get there. Be willing to do the hard stuff for the benefit of our loved ones. Give the kind of love Christ gave us. Sacrificial love.
Whatever you’re facing, you can do this. We can do this. God is there, and He won’t leave us or abandon us in our greatest time of need. He wants to bring wholeness and healing into our lives, for us and for our loved ones.
If you are in this place, please let us know. Lynn and I want to be praying for you. Leave comments or use our email contact information, which is on each of our About pages. Don’t lose hope. Bring the light of Christ into your situation, full beam with the prayers of others added to yours.
