His speech is designed to entice and flatter others into thinking well of him
The speech of the people pleaser betrays him. He may or may not do it consciouly, but his words are designed to cover his flaws and foibles and to cajole others into seeing him in the best possible light. He is motivated by fear rather than by love. The Bible makes very clear connection between flattering and people pleasing.
but after we had already suffered and been mistreated in Philippi, as you know, we had the boldness in our God to speak to you the gospel of God amid much opposition. For our exhortation does not come from error or impurity or by way of deceit ; but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts. For we never came with flattering speech, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed- God is witness, nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority. (I Thes. 2:2-5)
A person who knows he is faithful and has therefore been approved by God can speak freely and boldly to others. He does not use flattering speech because he really doesn’t care much about pleasing man. it is the person who seeks to please man who doesn’t care much about pleasing God and so resorts to flattery. The people pleaser is a hypocrite who, for fear of being found out or for the purpose of making others think better of him than he really is, disguise himself.
The makeup he uses to camouflage his true appearance consist largely of communication. Here are some characteristics of the communication style of an approval addict.
The people pleaser….
- Rarely confronts sin the life of another believer.
- Rarely challenges or even questions the opinions of others.
- Prematurely terminates conflicts (usually by yielding, withdrawing, or changing the subject).
- Rarely reveals to others the truth about who he really is inside ( specially his struggles with sin).
- Steers conversation away from those topics that might cause others to realize what he is really like inside.
- Shades the truth (lies) in order, “not to offend others”
- Frequently put himself down in the hope that others will disagree with his purposely exaggerated negative self assessment.
- Finds in it difficult to say “No” to those who make requests of him, even when he knows that saying “Yes” will not be the best choice.
Follow me next week when I will address how the people pleaser is a “respecter of person”. I know you are saying : “When will this ever end” , I promise you this will really bless your life to know where this sin is in your life. We as Christian women/men need to take deeper looks at ourselves and stop dealing with surface of our lives, so that we can get a Godly perspective of the problems that weigh us down. It is my prayer that each blog will leave you with some truth that will help in your walk with the Lord.
Cynthia Davis/Co. Founder
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