When my friend suggested that I write a blog about children who do not have mothers, I agreed that it made sense that I would write it. I mean, I do write about overcoming emotional and child sexual abuse. However, my mother was physically present. She was there to make me the best home cooked meals that I can still taste inside of my mouth from my childhood.
My mother was physically present but emotionally absent. She never told me she loved me, and in my book Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: AJourney to Love, I talk a lot about our relationship because it was relevant. I needed love, and for her to show her love toward me. I was an angry child because of the child molestation I had suffered at for years old by my sisters ex-boyfriend.
My mother did the best she could and I do not take it lightly that she raised me, with little money or help, I was not easy to raise- but she could have changed that if she had just been there. She watched movies and never displayed affection. She did not take me to church to be involved in activities when I begged her to, and she did not take the time to do things with me that she now does with my daughter.
She did not come to my basketball games, and the one time that I invited her to the court and practically made her come out of the house to watch me play, I was the star, which kind of frustrated the men on the court at the time- but I could hang. I hit ten three pointers in a row and drew a close to their mouth and a spot on the court. She still sat in the car while I played.
Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to write in depth about my mother. I have forgiven her, and I love her with all of my heart. I wrote a letter to my mother, and that really sums up how I personally feel about my mother, at this point in my life. My mother has had her own share of abuse, and that may be why she was not emotionally available for me.
What I’d like for someone reading this to take with them is the necessity of a mother’s relationship. Mothers nurture their girls, and boys in different ways. I believe that God knew what he was doing by creating a man and a woman to raise a child and therefore it creates a certain level of balance.
Many people write about absent fathers, but for me, I knew my father was crazy and I always wanted a father, not necessarily mine. My mother however, is a different story. We need the tenderness of a mother’s care. She took care of me when I was sick, and she made me breakfast, lunch and dinner.
My mother was not there for me, and may never understand the impact of that statement. I never grew up with knowing resentment for absence besides anger. In my book, I talk about what changed my heart toward her.
To any mother who has abandoned her child, whether you are in the home and do so because of a job or a man, or if you have walked out leaving your husband for another woman, or a “better life”, we as women have the same responsibility to love our children as we behead men for not.
Men teach their girls what to attract in a man, and women do the same for their boys. For their girls, they teach them how to be a woman. In my situation, I have always been a strong person who Is not easily influenced. The decisions that I have made, whether poor or powerful, I stand by them and learn from them.
I have dated some of the men that have come from broken relationships with their mothers, and let me tell you, I cannot run fast enough. The emptiness that can come from a broken relationship with your mother, is just as significant, just as potent, just as life determining as a broken relationship with your father.
I encourage all women to please stand up, take your place, value your relationships. For in time we all, women and men regardless of financial status or race will return to our youth, and our children will switch roles. Do you want them to remember you for your absence or your unwillingness to be moved by circumstances?
As some of my other blogs have revealed, I was homeless three years, and I refused to give my daughter to anyone else to raise. I talked to her in depth, we grew closer in relationship and love, she has had to walk through some hard times with me, but if I had left her, she would not be the young woman that she is now.
Mothers, and fathers, we need you- not just on weekends but every day. Even if you are not with the child’s mother or father, you can be a full time parent always.
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