Diagnosing the spiritual disorder of People Pleasers
I would like to talk about what an approval addictions looks like. This spiritual malady can manifest itself in many symptoms. This list is nowhere near exhaustive, I will attempt to give you just a few characteristics of the presence of a toxic level of pride in the heart.
- He fears the displeasure of man more than the displeasure of God.
Fear is a powerful emotion. It has power for good as well as for evil. The right kind of fear (the fear of God, such as, or the fear of sin and its consequences) keeps us from danger. The wrong kind of fear leads us into danger. “The fear of man brings a snare” (Proverbs 29:25). As you read (John 12:42-43) you find that the rulers did not sin because wanted to enjoy a bit of recognition. Rather, it was their loving man’s approval and not (or perhaps “more than,” God’s approval. These rulers feared the wrong things. They were afraid of being excommunicated from the synagogue, which meant that they stood to lose quite a bit more than a good seat in church. The love a person’s approval is bound to the fear of man’s disapproval. When a people pleaser interact with others, their thoughts immediately and instinctively run in the direction of selfishness, anxiety, and fear.
- “I’m not prepared to meet this person”.
- “What does he think of me”.
- “ I’ll probably make a fool of myself”.
- “I can’t reveal too much of myself or he will know what I’m really like and reject me”.
- “I can bear the thought of being hurt again”.
A people pleaser is not a peacemaker, but a peace-lover. A peacemaker is willing to endure the discomfort of a conflict in the hope of bringing about a peaceful resolution. (Peace is not only the absence of conflict, but is often the result of it). A peace lover is so afraid of conflict that he will avoid it at almost all costs. He is so concerned about “keeping the peace” with his fellow-man that he is often willing to give up the peace of God that comes from standing up and suffering for the truth. He is essentially a coward at heart.
- He desires the praise of man above the praise of God.
Unless he is backed into a corner with the evidence, the approval junkie might never admit that he loves anything more than the Lord. “Of course I love God more than anything else”! Look at all the good things I do for Him! Look at all the time I’ve invested in serving him. My whole life is built around faith. Surely I don’t love the approval of man above the approval of God!” The scribes and Pharisees were clearly people pleasers. Although they were outwardly religious, they were among the clearest examples of people pleasers in the Bible. They wanted the approval so much that they spent a great deal of their time and effort doing those things that would bring them glory from men. (Matt. 23:5-7) Even though those things were religious in nature (such as prayer, fasting, and giving) they can be done with an hypocritical motive to gain man’s approval. (Matt. 6:1-5). The people pleaser is a hypocrite. His service to man and to God is contaminated by impure desires. His religion is more external than internal. His first thought is not “How will God be glorified by what I am doing” but rather “How will people perceive me”. He is not accustom to thinking this way, but exclusively of himself. He is concerned about his reputation. His heart craves being held in high esteem by others ( and to hear their praises). He values the approval of man rather than the approval of God. (John 12:43)
Next time I will continue to give you some more Characteristics of people pleasers. Please continue with me as we look at how to diagnose the spiritual disorder of “People Pleasers”.
May God place a conviction on the hearts of sincere Christians who suffer from this sin.
Cynthia Davis/Co. Founder
